Supporting Emotional Regulation in Children: A Speech Pathologist’s Perspective

In my years working as a speech pathologist, I’ve seen time and again how closely communication and emotional regulation are intertwined. For children—especially those with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) or language delays—being able to understand and express their emotions is not only important for their wellbeing, but also for their relationships, learning, and overall behaviour. Many people associate speech pathology solely with talking, but our scope goes much deeper. We support children in expressing their needs, making sense of their experiences, and participating meaningfully in social interactions. Emotional regulation is a big part of that puzzle.

What is Emotional Regulation and Why Does it Matter?

Emotional regulation refers to the ability to modulate an emotion or set of emotions according to the demands of a situation. It's not about "controlling" emotions or always being calm—it's about recognising emotions, understanding them, and then choosing helpful ways to respond. Children who struggle with emotional regulation may face various challenges, including difficulties with social interactions, academic performance, and mental health. They may experience frequent meltdowns, struggle with impulsive behaviour, and have low frustration tolerance. These challenges can impact their ability to form and maintain friendships, succeed in school, and experience overall well-being. Being able to regulate emotions helps children learn, engage socially, and build confidence. For those with communication difficulties, this can be even more critical—they often feel things deeply, but can’t find the words to express them. That’s where speech pathologists come in.

Using the Zones of Regulation for Children with Limited Language or ASD

One widely used tool is The Zones of Regulation, developed by Leah Kuypers. It’s a visual framework that helps children recognise their feelings and the impact those feelings have on their behaviour and ability to participate.

There are four zones:

• 🔵 Blue Zone – low energy (e.g. tired, bored, sad)

• 🟢 Green Zone – calm, focused, ready to learn

• 🟡 Yellow Zone – heightened alertness (e.g. silly, worried, frustrated)

• 🔴 Red Zone – very heightened emotions (e.g. angry, out of control)

We often start by pairing simple visuals and emotion words. For example:

• Using an iPad or visual board to point to how they’re feeling

• Modelling phrases like “I’m in the yellow zone – I feel fidgety” during shared play

• Role-playing or using toys/puppets to talk about zones in a safe, fun way

We don’t rush children to “get back to green.” Instead, we validate the feeling, help them name it, and then gradually introduce strategies they can try to shift to a more regulated state (like breathing exercises or sensory breaks).

Why Emotion Check-ins Matter – A Real-Life Story

One Year 3 student I worked with, let’s call him Liam, had a language delay and was also on the autism spectrum. He had a brilliant sense of humour, but was easily overwhelmed by competitive games and structured learning tasks at school. At first, he’d bottle everything up, then explode suddenly (from zero to one-hundred) — throwing, shouting, sometimes hiding under the table. We started doing emotion check-ins three times a session using a visual mood board and zone cards. I’d ask simple questions like:

• “Which zone are you in?”

• “What made you feel like that?”

• “What should we do about it? Do you want a break or a squeeze ball?”

Over time, Liam started anticipating his own reactions. He would say, “I think I’m in yellow… I need headphones.” The classroom teacher noticed the difference too—his participation in learning tasks improved, and he was more open to talking after losing a game, even managing to laugh about it. That consistent check-in gave him the language and confidence to self-advocate—something every child deserves.

Promoting Perspective-Taking Through Mutual Check-Ins

In many of my sessions, I also model mutual emotional check-ins. This means I don’t just ask children how they feel — I invite them to ask me as well. For example, I might say, “Thanks for telling me you’re in the blue zone. Would you like to ask how I’m feeling too?” Then I’ll point to my own visual card and say, “I’m in the green zone because I’m really enjoying playing this game with you.” These exchanges build perspective-taking in a concrete, structured way. For children with ASD or social communication challenges, this back-and-forth helps them learn that emotions are a shared experience—not just something that happens inside them. Over time, I’ve seen children begin to initiate this themselves:

“Are you in the yellow zone, Miss Felcia? You look like you’re thinking hard.”

That moment of curiosity and connection is powerful. When children start to genuinely wonder how someone else is feeling, it shows emotional growth—and lays the foundation for empathy, peer relationships, and social problem-solving.

Five Practical Strategies to Build Emotional Expression & Regulation

Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or support worker, here are five simple, evidence-informed strategies to support children’s emotional growth:

1. Emotion Labelling During Daily Routines

Use real moments (e.g. spilled drink, waiting in line) to model emotional vocabulary:“That’s frustrating, isn’t it? You really wanted juice."

2. Use a Visual Emotion Thermometer

Helps children recognise their body signals, identify the associated feelings and zones at that moment, and match effective strategies accordingly. It is more practical to teach different strategies in different settings, such as home, school, and community.

3. Create a ‘Calm Box’ or Regulation Toolkit

Include sensory tools (fidget toys, noise-cancelling headphones), emotion cards, and strategy visuals. Involve the child in choosing what goes in—ownership boosts buy-in. Children may not know what tools are effective for regulations. Exploring a range of different things or seeking advice from an Occupational Therapist would be helpful.

4. Storybooks and Social Stories

Books like “The Colour Monster” or personalised social stories can help children explore feelings safely. Follow up with role play or drawing to reinforce learning.

5. Teach Body Cues First

Before expecting verbal labelling, help the child tune into their body:“My heart is beating fast. My tummy feels tight. I think I’m in yellow zone.”Use mirrors or movement games to build interoception (body awareness). Visit our Flourish Store for our therapist-designed emotional regulation and expression tools.

At Flourish Speech Pathology, we believe that emotional expression is one of the essential components in communication. By helping children name, understand, and manage their feelings, we’re not just improving their behaviour; we’re giving them lifelong tools to navigate the world.

Regulation isn’t about perfection—it’s about practice, and every small step counts. Emotional regulation is no different from reading or maths — it’s a skill that needs to be taught, modelled, and practised every day.

If you'd like support in this area, our team would be happy to help—whether it’s in school, in the clinic, or through home-based strategies.